Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash
In short: Mindful self-care means looking after your body, your mind and your emotions on purpose: noticing what you need and answering it with kindness. It’s a necessity, and it has very little to do with luxury. Begin with a few minutes a day to check in with yourself, protect that time in your diary, and choose the practices that truly restore you.
It’s half past nine in the evening. The kitchen is tidy, the washing is on, you’ve answered the last message and remembered the birthday card. You sit down at last and realise you haven’t asked yourself a single question all day. Not “am I hungry?”, not “am I tired?”, not “what would do me good?”. Everybody else’s needs went first, and yours never made it onto the list.
Have you ever felt like that, as if you were running on empty? Then let’s talk about what mindful self-care really is, and how to make room for it in a full life.
What is mindful self-care?
Mindful self-care is taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health deliberately and consciously. You become aware of what you need, and you make choices that support you. That’s all, and it’s a lot.
The word “mindful” matters here. Self-care without attention quickly turns into one more duty: the yoga class you drag yourself to, the bath you take while scrolling through your phone. With attention, it starts with listening. You slow down, you tune in to your body and your emotions, and you answer what you find with kindness. Some days that means moving. Other days it means doing nothing at all for ten minutes.
And it isn’t an indulgence. You look after the car, the house and the garden so they keep going. You deserve at least the same care.
What does it change?
When you take care of yourself regularly, stress has less hold on you and your mood is steadier. You have more energy, more focus and more patience for the hard days. You feel more grounded, more confident and more at peace with yourself.
You’ll also notice it in how you are with others. It’s very hard to be generous when you’re exhausted. If you’re not sure how stretched you really are, have a look at the hidden signs of stress: many of us have got used to them without realising.
How do I practise mindful self-care?
Here are six simple practices to begin with. You don’t need all of them. Read them through and see which one your body says yes to.
1. Tune in to your body
Take a few minutes each day to check in. Sit or lie down and move your attention slowly from your head to your feet. Where is there tension, discomfort or pain? Your jaw, your shoulders, your lower back? Take a deep breath and send some kindness to that place, as if you were laying a warm hand on it. If you’d like to go further, autogenic training teaches you to relax the body step by step in just this way.
2. Be kind to yourself
Treat yourself the way you’d treat a good friend. If she told you she’d forgotten an appointment or snapped at her children, you wouldn’t call her useless. You’d tell her she’s doing her best with what she has today. Say the same to yourself.
3. Set boundaries
Learn to say no when you need to. Don’t take on more than you can carry, and respect your own needs as you’d respect anyone else’s. It’s all right to put yourself first sometimes. If saying no is hard for you, you’ll find some gentle ways to do it in non-negotiables to keep stress at bay.
4. Go outside
Time in nature calms the mind and lifts the mood. Walk in the park, go for a hike, or simply sit outside with your cup of tea and breathe the fresh air. Look at the sky and listen to the birds for a few minutes. It costs nothing, and it works on grey days too.
5. Practise mindfulness
Mindfulness is being present in the moment, without judging it. Take a few minutes each day to meditate, to breathe deeply, or just to be still and follow your breath. If you’ve never done this, this gentle introduction to coming back to your breath is a good place to start.
6. Do what you enjoy
Read a book, go to a yoga class, listen to music, paint, sing in the car. Make time for what brings you joy. These aren’t treats to earn once everything else is done. They’re how you recharge.
What else counts as self-care?
Self-care isn’t only bubble baths and massages, although those can be lovely. It’s the whole of how you look after yourself: eating well, sleeping enough, drinking water, moving your body. It’s also your friendships, a moment of gratitude, a hobby or something creative that absorbs you.
Eating is a good example. A meal eaten sitting down, slowly, with attention, is self-care three times a day. You can begin by learning to recognise your body’s hunger and fullness cues. And if your nights are short, a few simple sleep habits may do more for you than anything else on this page.
There’s no single recipe. What works for one person may not work for another, so experiment, and keep what leaves you feeling better afterwards.
How do I make it a habit?
Mindful self-care is a way of living more than a one-off event. It asks for a little commitment and practice. Here’s what helps.
Put it in your diary. Block some time each day, even ten minutes, and treat it as non-negotiable, like any other appointment.
Write your own list. On a calm day, note down the things that do you good. When you’re tired and can’t think, the list thinks for you.
Give it a regular slot in the week. Many people like to keep part of the weekend for this, and I’ve described a Sunday self-care routine you can borrow from.
Find company. Share what you’re doing with a friend or a group who’ll encourage you, ask how it’s going and be pleased for you when it goes well.
Be gentle when you slip. There will be weeks when you forget, or when life takes over. Don’t scold yourself. Just come back to your practices.
So take a deep breath, give yourself permission, and start today with one small thing. You deserve it.
Frequently asked questions
Isn’t self-care selfish?
No. When you are rested and fed and have had a moment to yourself, you are more patient and more present with the people you love. Looking after yourself is part of looking after them.
I have no time. Where do I start?
Start with two minutes. Sit down, breathe slowly and ask yourself what you need right now. Then do one small thing about it: a glass of water, a stretch, five minutes outside. Small and daily works better than big and rare.
What is the difference between self-care and mindful self-care?
Ordinary self-care can become another list of things to do. Mindful self-care starts with a question: what do I need today? Some days the answer is a walk, some days it is an early night, some days it is a phone call with a friend.
What if I keep forgetting or giving up?
Everyone does. Be gentle with yourself and come back to it, without counting the days you missed. It helps to fix one moment in your diary and to tell a friend, so that someone asks you how it is going.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If you feel exhausted for weeks even though you are resting, if your sleep, appetite or mood have changed a lot, or if you feel low or anxious most of the time, please see your doctor. Self-care supports your health, but lasting tiredness and low mood deserve a proper check.
Would you like some help?
Learning to look after yourself, at the table and away from it, is at the heart of my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to know when the next group begins, send me a note at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
If you’d prefer to work one to one, I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we’ll look together at what would fill your cup again, and where it could fit in your week.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
