Photo by Felipe Bustillo on Unsplash
In short: Stress doesn’t always feel like stress. It can show up as snapping at people, forgetting things, poor sleep, cravings, a tight face or the urge to hide from everyone. Recognising these quiet signs early is the first step. Then simple tools, such as a longer out-breath, regular meals, a relaxation practice and time with people you like, help your body step out of alert mode again.
You walk into the kitchen and stand there, completely blank. What did you come in for? Later, someone asks you an innocent question and you hear yourself answer far more sharply than you meant to. In the evening you’re hungry for something sweet, then at night you lie awake, and in the morning you catch sight of yourself in a shop window and notice that your forehead is all knotted up.
If someone asked you, “Are you stressed?”, you might say, “No, not really. Just tired. Just busy.”
I hear that a lot. Many of the people I work with don’t come to me because of stress. They come because of cravings, or sleep, or low energy, or digestion. And very often, when we look at their whole life together, stress is quietly sitting underneath. So in this article I’d like to share the ten signs I look out for, explain what’s happening in your body, and give you the simple tools I use and teach.
What does stress actually do in my body?
When your body senses pressure or danger, it switches into alert mode. Your heart beats a little faster, your muscles get ready to act, your breathing becomes quicker and higher in the chest, and your body releases quick fuel into your blood. Your attention narrows onto the problem. Digestion, repair and rest are put on hold, because they can wait.
That’s a brilliant system when you need to jump out of the way of a car. It was designed to switch on, do its job and then switch off again.
The difficulty with modern life is that the alarm rarely switches off. Emails, money worries, family, caring for others, the news, a body that’s changing: none of these is a car coming towards you, but your body responds as if it might be. And when alert mode stays on in the background, day after day, it starts to show in small ways all over your life.
Why don’t I notice that I’m stressed?
Because we get used to it. When something has been there for weeks or months, it starts to feel normal. You think of yourself as “a bit forgetful” or “a bad sleeper” or “someone with a sweet tooth”, when your body might actually be telling you that it’s been on guard for too long.
And many of us, especially women who’ve spent years looking after everyone else, are very good at carrying on. We keep going, we keep smiling, and we only notice how tense we were when we finally go on holiday and get ill on the second day.
That’s why I find it so useful to learn the quiet signs. They’re like little lights on the dashboard. None of them means something is wrong with you. They simply say: time to look after yourself a bit more.
What are the ten hidden signs of stress?
Each of these can have many causes, so please read them as clues, not as a diagnosis. If something is new, persistent or worrying you, have a word with your doctor.
A short fuse. You snap at the people you love, slam a cupboard door or feel irritated by small things. When your body is already on alert, there’s very little room left for patience. A brisk walk, a few minutes of dancing in the kitchen or writing your worries down can let some of that energy out before it lands on someone.
A memory full of holes. Keys, names, why you came upstairs. A stressed mind is busy scanning for problems, so everyday details slip through. Three slow breaths before you start something new help bring you back into the present moment.
Skin that flares up. Spots, itchy patches or a flare of an existing skin condition often appear in stressful periods. Keep your skincare simple and kind, drink enough water and give yourself some calm moments in the day.
Restless nights. Trouble falling asleep, vivid dreams, waking in the small hours with a racing mind. Your body won’t fall into deep sleep while it thinks it needs to stay on guard. A calm hour before bed, without screens, makes a real difference.
An appetite on a roller coaster. Some days you crave sweet, salty, creamy food; other days you forget to eat altogether. Both are classic stress responses. Regular, balanced meals are one of the kindest things you can do for a stressed body.
Feeling low without knowing why. A flat, heavy mood, less enjoyment in things you usually love. Stress can drain your mood over time. Talking to a friend and doing small things you enjoy help. But if low mood lasts for weeks, or you feel hopeless, please talk to your doctor.
A face that holds on. A frown, clenched jaw, tight shoulders up by your ears. Stress lives in the muscles. A few times a day, check in: soften your forehead, let your jaw drop a little, let your shoulders fall.
Hiding from the world. You cancel plans, let messages pile up and just want to curl up at home. Some quiet is healthy, but too much isolation feeds stress. A short phone call or a coffee with one person you like is often enough.
Putting everything off. Tasks that would normally take ten minutes sit on your list for weeks. When you feel overwhelmed, starting anything feels huge. Choose one small step, do just that, and notice how it feels to have done it.
Emotions all over the place. Laughing one moment, close to tears the next, feeling things more strongly than usual. A stressed nervous system reacts faster and bigger. Breath and grounding (feeling your feet on the floor, naming what you can see around you) help you find your balance again.
Why does stress change my appetite?
Because alert mode wants fuel, fast. When stress goes on, your body asks for the foods that give the quickest energy and the quickest comfort: sweet, fatty, salty, creamy. That’s your body doing exactly what it was designed to do, so there’s no need to feel guilty about it. If it grows stronger once the evenings turn dark, Comfort eating in autumn explains why, and what helps.
For other people, stress shuts appetite down. They forget lunch, run on coffee, and then find themselves ravenous at night. Either way, the answer starts with the same thing: regular meals with enough protein, vegetables, healthy fats and carbs, so your blood sugar stays steady and your body feels safe. I wrote more about the link between feelings and food in How to overcome emotional eating, and about the late-afternoon slump in The afternoon energy dip in autumn.
How are stress and sleep connected?
They feed each other. Stress makes it harder to sleep deeply, and a poor night leaves you with less patience, more cravings and a shorter fuse the next day, which makes everything feel more stressful. It’s a loop, and the lovely thing about a loop is that you can step into it from either side.
If you’d like to look at sleep more closely, I shared my approach in Let’s talk about sleep, and the link with appetite in The direct impact of sleep and stress on your weight.
What helps?
These are the tools I use myself and teach most often. They’re simple, they’re free, and they work best when you practise them a little every day, before you really need them.
1. Make your out-breath longer
Your breath is the one part of the alert system you can steer directly. Sit or stand comfortably, breathe in gently through your nose, and let the out-breath be slower and longer than the in-breath, as if you were blowing softly on a cup of tea. Do this five or six times. A long out-breath tells your body that the danger has passed. I shared a few more practices you can use anywhere in Breathe your way to mindfulness.
2. Feed yourself regularly
A stressed body calms down faster when it isn’t also hungry. Start the day with some protein, such as eggs, yoghurt with walnuts, or goat’s cheese on good bread. Make lunch a real meal. Keep a simple snack within reach for the late afternoon: an apple and a handful of nuts, a boiled egg, a few chestnuts. This one change often softens irritability and cravings more than people expect.
3. Learn autogenic training
Autogenic training is a relaxation method developed in the early twentieth century by J. H. Schultz, a German psychiatrist. With your eyes closed, you repeat short, quiet phrases that guide your body into heaviness, warmth and calm. Over time, your body learns to switch off alert mode by itself, and that’s a wonderful skill to have for life. I teach it, and I always suggest learning it with a qualified teacher. If you have a heart condition, a mental health condition or epilepsy, or if you’re pregnant, talk to your doctor before you start, and never practise while driving or doing anything that needs your attention. You can read more in Autogenic training: more than just a relaxation technique.
4. Move, and let your body shake off the day
Movement is how the body uses up the energy that alert mode has prepared. A walk, an hour in the garden, a yoga class, dancing to a favourite song while the soup cooks. You don’t need to do anything intense. Gentle and regular is what counts.
5. Protect a few non-negotiables
Choose two or three small things that keep you steady, and protect them like appointments: a morning walk, lunch sitting down, a weekly call with a friend, ten quiet minutes before bed. I wrote about this in Non-negotiables to keep stress at bay.
What doesn’t help?
Ignoring the signs until you’re exhausted. The earlier you notice, the gentler the fix.
Running on coffee and skipping meals. It feels efficient, but it keeps your body on alert.
Telling yourself off. Criticism is one more source of stress. Speak to yourself as you would to a tired friend.
Waiting for life to calm down. It rarely does. Small daily practices work better than one big holiday.
Try this for one week
Read the list of ten signs again and choose the one or two you recognise most.
For the next seven days, three times a day (when you wake up, before lunch and before bed), stop for one minute. Notice your face, your shoulders and your breath. Soften whatever is tight, and take five slow breaths with a long out-breath.
In the evening, write down one line: when did I notice my sign today, and what was happening? At the end of the week, read it back. You’ll start to see what sets your alarm off, and that’s the information you need to look after yourself well.
Frequently asked questions
Can stress cause physical symptoms?
Yes. Stress can show up in your sleep, skin, digestion, appetite, muscles and memory. But these symptoms can have many other causes too, so if something is new or lasting, please get it checked.
What is the quickest way to calm down when I feel stressed?
Make your out-breath longer than your in-breath for a few breaths, and feel your feet on the floor. It’s simple, you can do it anywhere, and it tells your body that it’s safe to step out of alert mode.
Is autogenic training good for stress?
Many people find it very helpful, because it teaches the body to relax by itself. It’s best learned with a qualified teacher, and you should talk to your doctor first if you have a heart condition, a mental health condition or epilepsy, or are pregnant.
When should I talk to my doctor about stress?
If you’ve felt low, anxious or hopeless for weeks, if you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy, if your sleep, memory or appetite have changed a lot, or if you’re struggling to cope, please talk to your doctor. Asking for help early is a very wise thing to do.
Would you like some help?
Noticing the signs is the first step. Building calm into a busy life is easier with someone beside you. I run group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac, where stress, sleep and eating are looked at together, and where we practise breathing and relaxation as a group. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
You can also book a free 20-minute call with me. We’ll talk about what your days look like and what your body might be asking for, and I’ll suggest a first step that fits you. One-to-one coaching happens online, so you can join from anywhere.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
