Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash
In short: Black Friday is stressful because it asks you to decide quickly, in a crowd or on a screen full of countdowns, about money you may not have planned to spend. Much of the bad feeling afterwards comes from expectations: the bargain promised more than it could give. You can keep the useful part and lose the stress by deciding beforehand what you want, setting an amount, looking online first, keeping your expectations realistic and stepping away from your screen when it gets too much.
It’s a Friday in late November. Your inbox filled up overnight with offers that end at midnight. Your phone lights up with another one while you’re making coffee. A little clock is counting down on a website you only opened to look at a pair of boots. By the evening you’ve bought three things, you’re not sure you needed any of them, and what you feel isn’t the pleasure you expected. It’s a tight chest and a quiet “what have I done?”.
If you feel anxious after your purchases, there’s a reason for it, and it has nothing to do with being weak or silly. Here is why this day gets under our skin, and how to approach it calmly this year.
Why is Black Friday so stressful?
Finding bargains on Black Friday has become part of our end-of-year tradition. It’s one of the biggest shopping days of the year, and one of the craziest. Prices are low, yes. But the crowds, the late hours and the noise can be overwhelming, and that’s before you’ve spent a cent.
Everything about the day is built to make you hurry. “Only two left.” “Offer ends tonight.” When you feel hurried, your body reacts as it does to any other pressure: your heart beats a little faster, your breathing gets shallow, and the careful, sensible part of you goes quiet. You’re no longer choosing, you’re reacting. If you’d like to recognise this in yourself, I’ve described the quieter signs of stress in another article.
Add to that the season itself. Presents to find, a budget to respect, people you don’t want to disappoint. Black Friday lands right on top of all of it.
Why do you feel guilty or low after buying?
One of the main reasons purchases can leave us with negative feelings is our expectations. We expect the bargain to make us happy: clever for having found it, relieved that the presents are done, pleased with something new. Then reality arrives. The parcel is just a parcel. The jumper isn’t quite the colour on the screen. The account is emptier than you’d planned.
When reality doesn’t meet our expectations, the result is disappointment, and guilt often follows close behind. That guilt isn’t good for our wellbeing. Left alone, it can turn into tension, anxiety and a low mood that hangs over what should be a lovely time of year.
So the answer isn’t to try harder to find the perfect deal. It’s to expect less from the deal, and to decide more for yourself before the day begins.
I made a short video about this, you can watch it below.
How can you get through Black Friday calmly?
It doesn’t have to be chaos. With a little preparation, you can turn it into something relaxed, and possibly even fun.
1. Plan in advance
Shops announce their Black Friday offers a week or two before the day. Use that time. Sit down on a quiet evening, look at what’s coming and write a list of what you really want to buy, and for whom. Write an amount next to it. A list made on a calm day is the best protection you have against a decision made in a rush. It’s the same idea as writing a list before you go food shopping, which I talk about in how to simplify your grocery shopping.
2. Check online first
Before you go anywhere, visit the shops’ websites. Very often you’ll find the same offers online, sometimes with free delivery or a little extra off, without leaving your home. And remember that Cyber Monday comes a few days later with offers of its own. Very little is truly now or never.
3. Buy, but be realistic
If you do go to the shops, keep your expectations realistic. There will probably be queues, traffic and something that’s sold out when you get there. If you’ve counted on that from the start, it won’t spoil your day. Eat something proper before you leave and take a bottle of water with you: everything feels harder when you’re hungry and thirsty.
4. Go with a friend
Make it a social outing. Shopping with a friend is more fun, and a second opinion is never a bad thing when you’re hesitating at the till. You’ll also be less inclined to get stressed when there’s someone beside you to laugh with in the queue. Plan a coffee in the middle and it becomes a nice day out that happens to include some shopping.
5. Leave the children at home if you can
Late hours and crowds are tiring for little ones, and they will slow you down. There’s also the risk of losing sight of them in a busy shop. If they do come with you, make sure they know your phone number and address, or slip a note with those details into their pocket.
6. Take a break from technology
Shopping online can feel strangely lonely: just you, a screen and a basket that keeps filling. If you notice that feeling, put the device down and spend some time with the people you love. The stress of shopping can build quickly, so set yourself a limit, in money and in time, and stop when you reach it. And ask yourself the simplest question of all: do you really need all this?
What helps when the pressure rises?
A few small things you can do on the day itself:
Breathe before you click. Three slow breaths, with a longer out-breath, are enough to bring the sensible part of you back. You’ll find easy ways to do this in my gentle introduction to the breath.
Let it sit overnight. Leave things in the basket and look again in the morning. What still seems like a good idea after breakfast probably is.
Ask the ordinary-price question. Would you want it if it weren’t reduced? If not, it’s the discount you want, not the thing.
Unsubscribe. Every offer you don’t see is a decision you don’t have to make. A tidier inbox is a calmer mind, which is very much the spirit of living with less.
Protect something that steadies you. A walk, a meal at the table, an evening without screens. These are the non-negotiables that matter most in a busy season.
And if the presents are what’s weighing on you, remember that the calmest Decembers are rarely the ones with the most parcels. I’ve gathered a few ideas in my tips to stay calm before Christmas.
Frequently asked questions
Why do I feel guilty after buying things in the sales?
Usually because the purchase promised more than it could give. You expected to feel pleased and clever, and what arrives is a parcel, a smaller bank balance and the suspicion that you did not really need it. Guilt is a signal worth listening to: next time, decide what you want before the offers start.
Is it better to shop online or in the shops on Black Friday?
For most people online is calmer: no queues, no traffic, and often the same offers with delivery included. The risk online is that it is too easy, so shop from a list, set an amount, and close the tab once you have what you came for.
How do I stop myself from overspending?
Write a list and a total amount on a calm day, before the offers begin. Leave things in the basket overnight when you can, and ask yourself whether you would want the item at its ordinary price. If the answer is no, it is the discount you want, not the thing.
Do I have to take part in Black Friday at all?
No. You can spend the day exactly as you would any other Friday. Many offers come back on Cyber Monday and again before Christmas, so very little is truly now or never.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If shopping has become the main way you cope with stress or low mood, if you often spend more than you can afford and feel unable to stop, or if anxiety and low mood stay with you for weeks, please talk to your doctor. That is not a matter of willpower, and there is help for it.
Would you like some help?
Staying steady when everything around you says “hurry” is one of the things we work on in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we can look together at what would help you reach the end of the year feeling calm, rested and at ease with your choices.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
