Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash
In short: A kinder relationship with your body and food doesn’t start with loving every part of yourself. It starts with noticing what your body does for you, eating with attention and without rules, speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend, and moving in ways you enjoy. It’s a practice, built one meal and one day at a time, and you don’t have to do it alone.
You’re getting dressed in the morning and the trousers that fitted last spring feel tight. Before you’ve even had breakfast, a voice in your head has started its commentary. You should have been more careful. Look at that tummy. No bread today. By lunchtime you’ve eaten very little, by the evening you’re starving and fed up, and after dinner you finish the cheese while feeling cross with yourself. The next morning, the voice is back.
Does any of that sound familiar? So many of us have lived with that voice for years, sometimes since we were girls. It has opinions on every plate and every mirror. And it’s exhausting.
In this article I’d like to share how I help people make peace with their body and with food. Nobody expects you to love everything about yourself overnight. What we work on is slowly changing the way you treat yourself, so that eating becomes simpler and your body starts to feel like home again.
Why is it so hard to feel at peace with my body?
Because almost everything around us has taught us to look at our bodies from the outside. Magazines, adverts, diets, well-meant comments from family, the changing room mirror: they all invite us to judge our body as if it were an object to be fixed, rather than the living, breathing home we wake up in every day.
When you look at your body from the outside, you see flaws. When you live in it from the inside, you notice other things. The legs that carry you to the market and back. The arms that hug your children or your grandchildren. The hands that dig the garden, knead the bread, stroke the cat. The breath that keeps going all night while you sleep.
This is one of the deepest things yoga has taught me: when people start to feel their body from the inside, how it moves, how it breathes, how it feels, their relationship with it softens. That’s where I like to begin.
How did my relationship with food get so complicated?
For most people, through rules. Years of diets, each with its own list of allowed and forbidden foods. Counting, weighing, skipping meals, “being good” and “being naughty”. After a while, food stops being food and becomes a test you keep failing.
The trouble with rules is that they quietly switch off your own signals. If you’ve spent years eating what a plan told you to, at the times it told you to, it’s no surprise that you no longer quite know when you’re hungry, when you’re full or what you actually feel like eating. And the moment you forbid a food, it becomes the most interesting food in the house. I wrote about this in Let’s talk about diets.
Food is also tied up with feelings. It comforts, it celebrates, it fills the gap when we’re lonely or tired. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when food becomes the main way to handle every feeling, it can start to feel like a fight. I explored that side in How to overcome emotional eating, and why it often grows on darker evenings in Comfort eating in autumn.
Why does my changing body feel so hard to accept in midlife?
Midlife brings real changes. Your shape may shift, your waist may thicken, your energy and sleep may change, and the things that “worked” at thirty don’t work in the same way any more. Add to that the feeling of becoming a bit invisible, and it’s no wonder many women feel unsettled in their own skin.
What I’d say is this: your body isn’t failing you. It’s adapting to a new stage of life, and it still deserves to be fed well, moved with pleasure and spoken to kindly. In fact it needs that more now, not less. And every body responds differently, which is why I never give everyone the same plan. I explained why in Why your friend’s diet might not work for you.
What does a positive relationship with food actually look like?
It’s much more ordinary than people think. It looks like this:
You eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’ve had enough, most of the time.
You enjoy your food, and you don’t spend the afternoon thinking about what you ate at lunch.
No food is “good” or “bad”. Some foods nourish you more, some are mostly for pleasure, and both have a place.
A piece of cake at a friend’s birthday is a piece of cake, and nothing more.
When you eat more than you needed, you shrug and carry on, without punishing yourself the next day.
That’s it. No perfection. Just a calmer, friendlier way of living with food, where your own signals guide you more than outside rules. If you’d like to explore this way of eating, I wrote about intuitive eating and about recognising your body’s hunger and fullness cues.
How do I quieten my inner critic?
Gently. Fighting the critic usually makes it louder. What works better is noticing it, naming it, and then choosing a different voice to answer it.
When you hear “Look at you”, try pausing and asking yourself: would I say this to my best friend? To my daughter? If the answer is no, then try saying what you would say to them instead. “You’ve had a long week. You’re doing your best. Let’s have a proper lunch.” It may feel silly at first. Do it anyway. Your body hears every word.
This is what self-compassion means: treating yourself with the same warmth you’d offer someone you love. I wrote more about it in Why self-compassion is key to a fulfilling life.
What helps?
Here’s where I usually start when someone comes to me feeling at war with their body and their plate.
1. Start with what your body does
Each evening, write down one thing your body did for you that day. It walked you up the hill. It digested your lunch. It held a friend. It got you through a difficult meeting. It’s a small practice, and over time it shifts your attention from how your body looks to how it lives.
2. Sit down and taste your food
Mindful eating simply means being there when you eat. Sit at the table, put the phone away, turn off the television, and take a breath before the first bite. Notice the colours on your plate, the smell, the textures, the flavours. Put your fork down between mouthfuls now and then. You’ll enjoy your food more, you’ll notice when you’ve had enough, and meals become a small moment of rest in your day. I answered many questions about this in my FAQs on mindful eating.
3. Drop the rules, keep the care
Instead of asking “What am I allowed to eat?”, try asking “What would really look after me today?” Often the answer is a warm, simple, regular meal: an omelette with leeks and goat’s cheese, a bowl of lentil and squash soup with bread, sardines with a big salad and some potatoes. Sometimes it’s a square of chocolate after dinner, enjoyed slowly. Both are care.
And eat enough. Skipping meals to “make up” for yesterday is the surest way to end up starving and frustrated in the evening.
4. Put your hand on your heart
When the critic is loud, try this small practice from my yoga and relaxation work. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Feel the warmth of your hands. Breathe in gently, and breathe out a little more slowly. Say quietly to yourself: “This is hard right now. I’m doing my best.” It takes less than a minute, and it brings you back into your body as a friend instead of a judge.
5. Move in ways you enjoy
Forget punishing workouts you hate. Choose movement that feels good in your body: walking with a friend, dancing in the kitchen, swimming, gardening, cycling, yoga. Movement chosen for joy teaches you what your body can do, and that changes how you feel about it far more than any mirror.
6. Surround yourself with support
It’s very hard to change how you feel about your body when everyone around you is dieting and criticising their own. Look for people who talk about food and bodies kindly: a friend you walk with, a group that shares your values, a coach. Changing the conversation around you changes the conversation inside you. You’ll find more answers in my FAQs on body positivity.
What doesn’t help?
Waiting to like your body before you look after it. Care comes first; the feelings follow slowly.
Weighing yourself every morning. If the scales decide your mood for the day, put them away in a cupboard for a while.
Comparing yourself to others. Your body has its own story, its own history and its own needs.
Starting another diet “just to feel in control”. It usually brings back the same rules, and the same critic.
Try this for one week
For seven days, try two small things.
Eat one meal a day sitting down, without a screen, and take a breath before the first bite.
And each evening, write one line in a notebook: one thing my body did for me today. Nothing more.
At the end of the week, read your seven lines. Many people are surprised by how much their body quietly does for them, and how differently they feel about it after just a few days of noticing. Celebrate that. Small steps count.
Frequently asked questions
How can I stop hating my body?
Start by noticing what your body does rather than how it looks, and by speaking to yourself as kindly as you’d speak to a friend. Liking your body usually comes slowly, after you’ve started treating it with care.
What is a healthy relationship with food?
It’s one where you eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’ve had enough most of the time, enjoy your food and don’t feel guilty about it. No foods are forbidden, and your own signals guide you more than outside rules.
Can mindful eating help my relationship with food?
For many people it does. Sitting down, slowing down and paying attention to taste, hunger and fullness turns eating back into something you enjoy and helps you trust your body again.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If thoughts about food or your body take up a lot of your day, if you often feel out of control with food, if you make yourself sick, skip meals for long periods or exercise to punish yourself, please talk to your doctor first. They can refer you to specialists in eating disorders and body image, and asking for that help is a brave and wise step.
Would you like some help?
Making peace with food and your body is gentler work when you’re with people who understand. I run group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac, where we talk about eating without rules, comfort eating and looking after ourselves kindly. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
If you’d prefer to talk one to one, book a free 20-minute call. I’d love to hear your story and help you find a calmer, friendlier way of eating that suits your body. I coach online, wherever you live.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
