Photo by Daniel Tafjord on Unsplash
In short: We are all broken somewhere, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. The cracks are where the light gets in: love, hope and joy reach us through the very places we try to hide. You let that light in by being kind to yourself, by no longer comparing your life with other people’s, by looking after your body, mind and soul, by giving to others and by asking for help when you need it.
You’re standing at the sink at the end of the day, and the list starts up in your head. The sharp word you said to someone you love this morning. The plan you gave up on, again. The thing that happened years ago and that you still carry around. Everybody else seems to manage. Why can’t you get it right?
Have you ever felt like that, as if you were simply not good enough, whatever you do? Let me tell you a secret. We are all broken somehow. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s beautiful, because it’s through our brokenness that the light gets in.
Why do I feel I’m not good enough?
Life is not perfect. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns. We all make mistakes and we all have regrets. A marriage that ended. A job you lost, or stayed in for too long. Words you can’t take back. A body that doesn’t do what it used to do.
When you look at these things late at night, they look like proof that something is wrong with you. They aren’t. They are the marks of a life that has really been lived. It’s through these experiences that we grow and learn, and through our struggles that we become stronger and more resilient. Think of what you know now that you didn’t know at twenty. Most of it came from the hard parts.
Does everybody else really have it all together?
It’s easy to feel that you’re the only one who is cracked. You look around and you see lovely families, successful careers, tidy kitchens and smiling holiday photos. But what you see is the outside. Behind closed doors, everyone has their own struggles and insecurities. The friend with the beautiful house lies awake worrying about her son. The colleague who always looks so sure of himself dreads every Monday.
No one has it all together. The point is not to let your struggles define you. You can hold them differently: as part of your story, as a source of strength, and as the opening through which something good can reach you. There’s a saying: a broken crayon still colours just the same.
What does it mean to let the light in?
Picture an old wall with a crack in it. On the dark side of that wall, the crack is the only place where daylight comes through. A perfect, sealed wall keeps everything out, the light included.
It’s the same with us. When you pretend that everything is fine, nobody can come close. The day you say to a friend, “I’m finding this really hard at the moment”, something opens. She answers, “Me too.” That is light coming in. Love, hope and happiness don’t arrive through the polished parts of your life. They come in where you are honest and a little bit tender.
How do you let the light in?
Start by being kind to yourself
Listen to the way you talk to yourself when you drop a glass, forget an appointment or eat the whole packet of biscuits. Would you speak like that to a friend? Try the words you would use for her: “It happens. You’re tired. Tomorrow is another day.” If your inner voice is a harsh one, you’ll find more ideas in moving from self-criticism to self-love and in learning to be kinder to yourself.
Stop comparing
Comparison usually starts with your phone in your hand. You scroll for five minutes and you feel smaller than before. When you notice it, put the phone down and come back to your own day. Accept who you are, flaws included. You are enough, just the way you are. This is also what self-acceptance really means: you don’t need to be finished to be worth loving.
Keep company with people who lift you
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who bring out the best in you. You know who they are. You come home from a coffee with them feeling lighter. Give them more room in your week, and a little less to the ones who leave you doubting yourself.
Take care of your body, your mind and your soul
Self-care is not a luxury for the days when everything is going well. It matters most when you feel low. A warm meal eaten at the table. A walk, even a short one. An early night. A few quiet minutes with your breath or with a book. These small things tell you, more clearly than any words, that you are worth looking after. If you need ideas, have a look at mindful self-care.
Give back
Helping others moves your attention away from your own struggles, and there is real joy in it. It can be as simple as volunteering at a local shelter or donating to a cause you care about. It can also be smaller: carrying a neighbour’s shopping, ringing an aunt who lives on her own, baking a cake for someone who has had a bad week. Small acts of kindness do as much good to the giver as to the one who receives.
Ask for help
Don’t be afraid to seek help, whether through therapy, a support group or a trusted friend. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to admit that you need help, and even more courage to ask for it. Reaching out is one of the surest ways to let the light in.
How long does healing take?
Healing is a process. It won’t happen overnight. Some days you’ll feel you have made peace with your past, and the next week an old song or a photograph will bring it all back. That doesn’t mean you have failed or gone backwards. It means you’re human.
With time, patience and self-love, you will get there. And what you find on the other side is a strength and a happiness that you may not have thought possible. So don’t give up. When you fall, get up again, as gently as you can, and carry on.
Try this today
Write down one thing you usually hide or feel ashamed of. Underneath, write what it has taught you.
Tell one person you trust how you really are, in one honest sentence.
Do one small thing for your body: a proper lunch, a walk, an early night.
Do one small thing for someone else, and notice how you feel afterwards.
We are all broken in some way. Embrace your imperfections, be kind to yourself and never give up. Seek help when you need it and give back to others. We are all in this together.
Frequently asked questions
What does it mean to embrace your brokenness?
It means you stop hiding the parts of your life that did not go to plan and stop treating them as proof that something is wrong with you. You accept that they are part of your story, you look after yourself as you are today, and you let other people see a little more of the real you.
Does accepting my flaws mean I stop trying to change?
No. Acceptance is the starting point, not the end. It is much easier to change a habit when you are on your own side than when you are scolding yourself. You can accept where you are and still want something different for next year.
How do I stop comparing myself to others?
Notice when it happens, usually on your phone or in a room full of people who seem to have it all together. Remind yourself that you are comparing your inside with their outside. Then bring your attention back to one thing in your own day that you can do something about.
What can I do on a day when I feel I am not good enough?
Keep it small. Eat a proper meal, go outside for ten minutes, and send a message to someone who is kind to you. Then do one little thing for somebody else. You do not have to solve the feeling, only look after yourself while it passes.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If the feeling of not being good enough stays for weeks, if you lose interest in things you used to enjoy, if your sleep or appetite change a lot, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional straight away. Asking for help is a sign of strength.
Would you like some help?
Being on your own side, especially around food and your body, is one of the things we work on in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and tell me where you are today, cracks and all. That’s exactly where we’ll start.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
