Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
In short: Body image is how you see, think and feel about your body, and it shapes far more of your life than most of us realise. You don’t have to love every part of yourself to feel better. What helps is treating your body with respect, speaking to yourself kindly, eating and moving without punishment, choosing what you look at, and asking for professional help when the struggle runs deep.
You catch your reflection in a shop window and, before you’ve even had time to think, a little voice has passed judgement. Too round. Too old. Too tired. You pull your coat a bit tighter and walk on, and the moment colours the rest of your afternoon.
So many of us carry that little voice everywhere. It came from somewhere: magazines, family comments, diets, the playground, the changing room. And in midlife, when the body changes again, it often gets louder. Here are the eighteen questions about body image and body positivity I’m asked most often, with gentle and honest answers. For the bigger picture, you may like to start with Your body, your story, which these questions accompany.
What is body image, and why does it matter?
Body image is the way you see your body, the thoughts you have about it and the feelings that come with them. It isn’t the same as how your body actually looks. Two people with very similar bodies can feel completely differently about them.
It matters because it affects so much: whether you go swimming, whether you say yes to the photo, what you eat, how you move, how you dress, even how you speak up at work. When you feel at peace with your body, you tend to look after it better, because you feel it’s worth caring for.
What is body positivity?
Body positivity is the idea that every body deserves respect, whatever its shape, size, age, colour or ability. It invites us to stop ranking bodies and to stop treating our appearance as a measure of our worth.
Some people find “loving your body” a step too far, especially on a difficult day. If that’s you, you may prefer the idea of body neutrality: you don’t have to adore your body, you can simply respect it and get on with your life. I find both helpful. Choose whichever feels true for you.
What shapes the way I see my body?
Many things, layered over the years. What you heard about bodies as a child, from parents, teachers or other children. The culture you grew up in and what it considered beautiful. The images you see every day in advertising, films and on your phone, many of them edited. The people around you and how they talk about their own bodies. Your health, your history and your temperament, too: if you tend towards perfectionism, you’re more likely to notice what you see as flaws.
Knowing this is a relief for many people. Your feelings about your body weren’t invented by you alone. They were taught, which means they can also be gently unlearned.
Why is it so hard to accept my body in midlife?
Because it’s changing, sometimes quite quickly, and nobody prepared us for it. Around perimenopause and menopause, the body often stores more around the middle, skin and hair change, and the body you knew for decades starts to feel unfamiliar. On top of that, our culture rarely shows women over fifty as beautiful.
Please be gentle with yourself here. This body has carried you through a whole life. It’s adapting to a new phase, and it deserves care rather than criticism. I wrote about eating through these changes in How to eat when menopause hits.
How can I improve my body image?
Start by shifting your attention from how your body looks to what it does. Your legs carry you to the market. Your arms hug the people you love. Your lungs breathe for you all night while you sleep. That gratitude is a powerful counterweight to the mirror.
Then look at your daily life. Wear clothes that fit you now and feel comfortable. Spend time with people who lift you up. Feed yourself regularly and well. Move in ways you enjoy. Rest. None of these changes your body overnight, but together they change your relationship with it.
What is self-acceptance, and how does it relate to body image?
Self-acceptance means recognising who you are, with your strengths and your imperfections, and treating yourself kindly anyway. It doesn’t mean you have to love everything about yourself all the time. You can have a day when you dislike your reflection and still accept yourself as a whole person.
When it comes to your body, self-acceptance means your worth isn’t tied to your appearance. Your body is part of who you are, never the whole story.
How can I practise self-acceptance?
Treat yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend. When you make a mistake or have a hard day, offer yourself comfort rather than criticism. Notice your strengths, the things you’re good at and the qualities people love in you. Try to compare yourself less, especially with images that aren’t even real. And when a harsh thought comes, pause and ask: would I say this to someone I love?
Self-compassion is at the heart of all of this, and I explain why it matters so much in Why self-compassion is key to a fulfilling life.
How can I deal with negative self-talk?
First, notice it. Most of us have a critical voice that runs in the background so constantly that we no longer hear it. For a few days, simply catch the thoughts. You might even give that voice a name, which makes it easier to recognise it as a voice rather than the truth.
Then try softening the words. “I look awful” might become “I’m tired today, and that’s alright.” When the thoughts spin, bring your attention to your breath for a few moments. On the yoga mat, we learn to come back to the breath again and again, and it works beautifully for the mind too. I share some simple practices in Breathe your way to mindfulness.
Can food and eating affect my body image?
Very much. Years of diets teach us to see our bodies as problems to fix and food as the enemy. Every meal becomes a verdict: good day, bad day. That keeps body image and eating tied together in a painful knot.
Letting go of food rules, eating regular, satisfying meals and learning to enjoy food again can ease both. I explain why I stopped believing in diets in Let’s talk about diets, and how to eat with attention and pleasure in my FAQs on mindful eating. And if the cupboard feels harder to resist once the evenings turn dark, have a look at why we reach for food when it gets dark.
Can movement help me feel better in my body?
Yes, when it’s chosen for joy rather than as punishment. Movement lets you feel your body from the inside: its strength, its balance, its warmth. That’s a very different experience from looking at it from the outside in a mirror.
Try what you enjoy: walking, dancing, swimming, gardening, yoga, lifting weights. After more than thirty years of teaching yoga, I’m still moved when people discover what their body can do, whatever it looks like. I wrote more about finding movement you love in Let’s talk about exercise.
Can social media affect my body image?
It can, very strongly. We see a constant stream of bodies that have been carefully posed, lit, filtered and edited, and our brains compare automatically, even when we know the pictures aren’t real. After half an hour of scrolling, many people feel worse about themselves without quite knowing why.
Social media can also be a source of inspiration and community. It depends a great deal on what you choose to look at.
How can I make social media a kinder place for me?
Notice how you feel after scrolling. If an account leaves you feeling small, unfollow it or mute it. Follow people of different ages, shapes and backgrounds who make you feel inspired and at ease. Put a little time limit on the apps if you find you lose hours. And take regular breaks: a phone-free evening, a walk without a screen, a meal with the phone in another room.
What is body dysmorphia?
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which a person becomes deeply preoccupied with flaws in their appearance that others hardly notice, or can’t see at all. It can lead to hours spent checking mirrors, hiding, avoiding people or seeking cosmetic procedures, and it causes real suffering.
It’s more than ordinary dislike of your body, and it’s treatable. If this sounds familiar, please talk to your doctor or a mental health professional, who can explain the treatment options and help you find the right support. You don’t have to manage this alone.
How can I support a loved one who struggles with their body image?
Listen more than you advise. Let them know you care, without judging and without trying to fix them. Avoid comments about their appearance, even kind ones about weight loss, and talk instead about who they are and what they do. Notice how you speak about your own body and other people’s bodies in front of them. And if the struggle seems serious, gently encourage them to seek professional help, and be patient: change takes time.
How can I help my children grow up with a positive body image?
Children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. Speak kindly about your own body, or at least neutrally. Avoid commenting on their bodies or anyone else’s. Talk about food as nourishment and pleasure, never as good or bad, and don’t use it as a reward or punishment. Celebrate what they can do, their kindness, their curiosity, their courage. And help them understand that the images they see online are often edited.
How do I deal with comments about my body?
Comments about our bodies can hurt deeply, even when people think they’re being helpful. You have every right to set a boundary. Something simple works well: “I’d rather we didn’t talk about my body.” If someone keeps going, you can change the subject or spend less time with them.
Afterwards, take care of yourself. Remind yourself that their words say more about their own beliefs than about your worth. Spend time with people who make you feel at home in yourself.
Can therapy help with body image?
Yes. A therapist can help you understand where your feelings about your body come from, notice the thoughts that keep them going and build kinder ways of seeing yourself. There are several approaches, some talking-based and some that work more through the body and the senses.
To find someone, your doctor is a good first person to ask. Look for a qualified, registered therapist with experience in body image or eating difficulties, and don’t be afraid to have a first conversation to see whether you feel comfortable with them. Asking for help is a sign of strength.
When should I talk to my doctor?
Please talk to your doctor if thoughts about your body take up a lot of your day, stop you going out or seeing people, or lead you to eat very little, make yourself sick, over-exercise or use pills to change your weight. The same goes if you feel low or anxious for weeks. And if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help straight away, from your doctor or your local emergency services. You deserve care and support.
Every body is different
When I work with someone, I never start with how their body should look. I start with how they live, eat, sleep and feel, because that’s what trusting your body is built on. Every body has its own story, and yours deserves to be told with kindness.
Would you like some help?
Making peace with your body is one of the most freeing things you can do, and it’s easier among people who understand. It’s a theme that comes up again and again in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
If you’d prefer to talk one to one, I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we’ll look together at how you can feel more at home in your body, just as it is today.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
