Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash
In short: Saying thank you does two things at once. It tells someone that what they did mattered, which brings you closer, and it turns your own attention towards what is good in your life, which lifts your mood and calms you. A few handwritten lines to one person, and two or three things noted in a diary in the evening, are enough to feel the difference.
It’s the day after Christmas, or the week after your birthday. The wrapping paper has gone, there is a new scarf on the back of the chair and a book on the table that someone chose with you in mind. You think: I really must thank her. Then the phone rings, the washing needs hanging, and three weeks later the thought comes back with a little pinch of guilt.
Most of us were taught as children to say thank you, and most of us mean it. What we often don’t realise is how much those two words give back to the person who says them. That’s what I’d like to talk about here: why expressing appreciation is good for your relationships and for you, and how to make it a simple, pleasant part of your days.
Why does saying thank you feel so good?
Thank you for the flowers. For the kind word, the loving gesture, the friendship that has lasted through everything. There are so many reasons to be grateful, and when you say so, you’re doing far more than being polite. You’re doing something good for your soul.
When you look for something to thank someone for, your attention moves. It leaves the list of what went wrong today and settles, for a moment, on what went right. That shift is small, but you can feel it in your body: your shoulders drop, your breathing slows, you soften. The joy and appreciation that come with gratitude help you look at life more positively, and many people find they feel calmer, lighter and more energetic when they make room for it regularly.
It’s also a gentle way to step out of a worrying, ruminating mind. You can’t be busy resenting your day and thanking someone for it in the same breath. If you’d like to go further into this, I wrote about how gratitude can change the way you see a frustrating day.
I made a short video about this, you can watch it below.
What does appreciation do for your relationships?
Think of the last time someone thanked you properly. Not a quick “thanks” over the shoulder, but a real one: “That soup you brought when I was ill, I haven’t forgotten it.” You probably remember where you were standing.
When you show appreciation for what someone has done, the bond between you grows stronger. The other person feels seen, and people who feel seen open up, relax and give more of themselves. It works with your partner, your children, your neighbour, your colleague, the lady at the bakery. Happy relationships are a form of nourishment too, as I explain in this article about primary food, and appreciation is one of the simplest ways to feed them.
Seeing the good in people
Everyone has habits that get on your nerves. You can choose where you put your attention. So instead of getting cross because your partner has left the dishes on the side again, you can remember that this is also the loving, funny person who always makes you laugh. The dishes are still there, of course. But you’ll talk about them in a very different tone.
One thing is sure: when you look for the good, you find more of it. And saying it out loud, “I love how you always make me laugh”, is a small act of kindness that costs nothing and stays with the other person all day.
Can gratitude help you make peace with the past?
Yes, in its own time. Looking back, the difficult chapters of your life have often brought something with them: a lesson you needed, a strength you didn’t know you had, a person you would never have met otherwise. Those moments are part of what made you who you are today.
This doesn’t mean pretending that something painful was pleasant, and it can’t be hurried. It means that one day you may be able to say, “I wouldn’t have chosen it, and I’m grateful for what I learned.” When pain slowly turns into that kind of gratitude, you make peace with your history, and you feel more content in the present. I wrote more about this way of looking back in There are no mistakes, only opportunities.
Why write a thank-you note by hand?
The twenty-sixth of December is National Thank You Note Day, a yearly reminder to put our appreciation into words. It goes back to the time when a handwritten note after a gift or a dinner was simply good manners. We send far fewer of them now, but the feeling behind them matters just as much as it ever did.
In a world where almost everything arrives on a screen, a handwritten card is special. It tells the other person that you sat down, found a pen and took your time over them. A text message is read and gone by the evening. A card is put on the mantelpiece, slipped into a drawer, found again years later and read with a smile.
Writing it is good for you, too. Sitting quietly with a card and choosing your words is a mindful, grounding thing to do. For those few minutes you’re fully in the present moment, thinking of someone you care about. It’s very close to what I describe in my article on mindful habits: an ordinary gesture, done with attention.
You don’t have to wait for the day after Christmas, of course. Any Tuesday will do.
I talk about this in the video below.
Try this: three simple ways to express appreciation
1. Write one note this week
Choose one person. It could be someone who gave you a present, or someone who did something for you months ago and never knew what it meant. Then write three things:
What they did or gave: “Thank you for driving me to the station at such an early hour.”
What it changed for you: “I arrived calm instead of flustered, and I thought of you all the way.”
A warm ending: “I’m so glad to have you as a friend. Come for lunch soon.”
That’s all. Use your own words, the ones you’d use at your kitchen table. It doesn’t need to be clever, and your handwriting doesn’t need to be beautiful.
2. Keep a gratitude diary
To give gratitude a fixed place in your everyday life, a gratitude diary helps a great deal. Each evening, write down what you’re grateful for on that day in particular. A phone call with a friend, a cuddle with your pet, a colourful sunset, a good meal: it doesn’t matter how small it is. What matters is that it’s from today, and that it’s true.
A notebook beside your bed is enough. You could make it part of a calm evening routine, so that the last thing on your mind before sleep is something good.
3. Say it out loud, today
Thank the person who cooked. Tell your colleague that her help with the report saved your afternoon. Tell your friend what you appreciate in her, for no reason at all. Be specific: “thank you for listening to me yesterday” lands much deeper than “thanks for everything”.
What changes when gratitude becomes a habit?
When you decide to live gratefully and remind yourself of the good things every day, you go through your days with more optimism and more joie de vivre. You have more energy, you take on more, and that in turn gives you more to be grateful for. It’s a lovely circle to be caught in, and it’s very close to what I mean when I write about joy and happiness.
So, what are you grateful for today? And who would love to hear it?
Frequently asked questions
Does a thank-you note have to be handwritten?
No. A message, an email or a phone call said with real attention is worth a great deal. Handwriting simply adds something: it shows you sat down and took your time, and a card can be kept and reread for years.
What do I write if I never know what to say?
Keep it to three things: what the person did, what it changed for you, and a warm closing line. Use the words you would use if they were sitting opposite you. Three honest sentences are better than a page of polite ones.
What if I do not feel grateful at the moment?
Then do not force it. Gratitude is not about pretending everything is fine. Start very small, with one thing that was all right today, such as a warm drink or a kind word. On hard days that is enough, and it is still worth noticing.
How do I keep a gratitude diary going?
Make it short and tie it to something you already do, such as your evening cup of tea or getting into bed. Write two or three things from that particular day, in a few words each. If you miss a day, simply pick it up again the next evening.
Is it too late to thank someone for something that happened long ago?
It is almost never too late. A thank you that arrives years later often touches people most, because it tells them that what they did stayed with you.
Would you like some help?
Noticing what is already good, in your life and on your plate, is one of the things we practise in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to know when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Do you prefer to work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we’ll look together at what would help you feel well and enjoy your days more. And thank you, truly, for reading this far.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
