Photo by Mahdi Soheili on Unsplash
In short: Your nervous system can’t go from full speed to sleep in one step; it needs a gentle slope. An evening routine is that slope: the same few calming things, in the same order, every night. An early, nourishing dinner, softer light, the phone put away, your worries written down, something warm, a few slow breaths and a cool, dark bedroom. Over time, your body learns that this is the way into rest, and tomorrow starts better too.
It’s ten o’clock. You’ve cleared the kitchen, answered one last message, checked tomorrow’s weather and scrolled a little further than you meant to. The lights are bright and the television is still talking. You go straight from all of that into bed, switch off the lamp, and wait. And your head starts: the thing you forgot to do, the thing someone said, the list for tomorrow. Your body is lying down, but you’re still in the middle of the day.
Does that sound like your evenings? If it does, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is simply being asked to do something it was never designed to do: stop all at once. In this article I’d like to share how I think about evenings, why they matter so much for your sleep and your next day, and the gentle routine I suggest to the people I work with.
Why do I need an evening routine?
Think of your nervous system as having an accelerator and a brake. During the day, the accelerator is pressed: you’re alert, busy, solving problems, responding to people. At night, your body needs to lift its foot off the accelerator and gently press the brake, so your heart slows, your muscles soften, your digestion takes over and your mind lets go.
That change takes time. Your body can’t jump from full speed to sleep any more than a car can go from the motorway to the garage without slowing down. It needs a slope. An evening routine is that slope.
And routines are powerful because they’re repeated. When you do the same small things in the same order every night, your body starts to recognise them. The dimmed lamp, the cup of tea, the book: after a while, your body begins to wind down the moment you start, a little like a child who gets sleepy as soon as the bedtime story begins. You’re teaching your body a language it understands.
When should I start winding down for bed?
I like to think of the last hour or so before bed as a protected time. It doesn’t have to be perfect or long; it just needs to be different from the rest of the day.
The easiest way to find it: choose the time you’d like to be asleep, and work backwards. If you want to be asleep at half past ten, your slope starts somewhere around half past nine. And the evening really begins earlier still, with dinner.
Try to go to bed and get up at roughly the same time every day, weekends included. Your body loves rhythm. Your inner clock works best when it knows what to expect, and it’s set each morning by daylight. I wrote about that inner clock in Wake up happy: how to look after your circadian rhythm this winter.
What should I eat and drink in the evening for better sleep?
As a nutrition coach, this is where I always look first, because the plate has a lot to say about the night.
Eat dinner early enough. A big meal just before bed keeps your digestion busy when your body wants to rest, and for some women it brings on heat or reflux at night. Try to leave a couple of hours between dinner and bed.
Make it nourishing, and not too light. Going to bed hungry can wake you in the night just as surely as going to bed too full. A dinner with some protein, plenty of vegetables and some carbs from whole foods tends to carry you through: a lentil soup with bread and cheese, an omelette with leeks and potatoes, fish with squash and buckwheat. Carbs in the evening are welcome; they help many people feel calm and sleepy.
Watch the caffeine. Coffee, strong tea, cola and even dark chocolate can keep you awake for many hours after you’ve had them. If you sleep badly, try keeping coffee to the morning.
Go gently with alcohol. A glass of wine may make you feel sleepy, but it tends to break up the second half of the night, so you wake more often and sleep less deeply.
Something warm. A cup of herbal tea, like lime blossom, verbena or chamomile, or a glass of warm milk, is a lovely signal that the day is closing. And if evenings are when you find yourself drifting towards the kitchen, I wrote about that in How to overcome emotional eating, and about why the pull is stronger once the clocks go back in Comfort eating in autumn.
Does light really affect my sleep?
Very much. Light is the main signal your body uses to know whether it’s day or night. Bright overhead lights and screens in the evening tell your body that it’s still daytime, so it holds back the hormone that makes you sleepy.
So in the last hour, switch off the big lights and use lamps, ideally with warm, soft bulbs. Put the phone in another room, or at least out of reach, and let the television go quiet. I’m not asking you to live like a monk; even a little less light and screen time makes a difference. And the other half of the story happens in the morning: daylight on your face soon after you wake helps you feel sleepy at the right time in the evening. If mornings are your challenge too, have a look at Rise and shine: the power of a morning routine.
How do I stop my mind racing at bedtime?
A racing mind at night usually means the day hasn’t been properly closed. Your brain is trying to hold on to everything so nothing gets forgotten. So help it put things down.
Write tomorrow’s worries on paper. Take a piece of paper and write down everything that’s going round in your head: the tasks, the worries, the things to remember. Then leave it on the kitchen table, so they don’t follow you upstairs. Your brain can rest because the list will be there in the morning.
Prepare a little for tomorrow. Lay out your clothes, put your keys and bag by the door, set out the breakfast bowls. These small acts tell your mind: tomorrow is taken care of.
End with something good. Before you turn out the light, think of three good things from your day, however small: the smell of the soup, a kind message, the sky on your walk. Ending the day with gratitude leaves your mind in a softer place than ending it with the news.
If worries keep you awake night after night, stress may be asking for more attention. I shared some ideas in Non-negotiables to keep stress at bay.
Which relaxation practices help before sleep?
This is where my yoga and autogenic training background come in, because the breath and the body are the most direct way to press the brake.
A longer out-breath. Sit or lie comfortably. Breathe in gently through your nose, then let the out-breath be a little longer and softer than the in-breath, as if you were sighing slowly. Do this for a few minutes. That longer out-breath is a quiet message to your body that it’s safe to rest. You’ll find more practices in Breathe your way to mindfulness.
Legs up the wall. Lie on your back near a wall, or on your bed against the headboard, and rest your legs up against it, arms relaxed by your sides. Stay for a few minutes and simply breathe. It’s one of the gentlest yoga poses I know for the end of the day.
Autogenic training. This is a relaxation method developed in the early twentieth century by J. H. Schultz, a German psychiatrist, and it’s one I teach. With your eyes closed, you repeat a few simple phrases inwardly, and your body gradually learns to feel heavy, warm and calm by itself. It’s wonderful at bedtime. It’s best learnt with a qualified teacher. If you have a heart condition, a mental health condition or epilepsy, or if you’re pregnant, talk to your doctor first, and never practise while driving or doing anything that needs your attention. You can read more in Autogenic training: more than just a relaxation technique.
What helps?
Here’s the routine I suggest. Take what suits you, and leave the rest.
1. Choose your bedtime and work backwards
Decide when you’d like to be asleep, then plan dinner a couple of hours before and the start of your slope about an hour before. Keep it roughly the same every day.
2. Close the day
Tidy the kitchen, write tomorrow’s list and worries on paper, lay out your clothes. Then the day is done, and you can step out of it.
3. Dim the lights and put the phone away
Lamps instead of ceiling lights, the phone in another room, the television off. A book, some quiet music, a conversation, knitting, a jigsaw: anything calm and a little absorbing.
4. Warm, then cool
A warm shower or bath, a cup of herbal tea, cosy socks. Then a cool, dark, quiet bedroom. As your body cools down after the warmth, it slips more easily into sleep.
5. Give your nervous system a practice
A few minutes of slow breathing, legs up the wall, or autogenic training once you’ve learnt it. Then three good things, and the light goes out.
What doesn’t help?
Scrolling in bed. The light and the endless stream of news both keep your mind switched on.
A big late dinner or a nightcap. Both tend to disturb the second half of the night.
A hard workout late in the evening. Vigorous exercise can keep some people awake. A gentle stroll or slow stretches are lovelier at this hour.
Trying hard to fall asleep. Sleep comes when you stop chasing it. If you’re wide awake, get up, sit somewhere dim and calm, and go back when you feel sleepy.
Making the routine a perfect checklist. It’s there to soothe you, so be flexible and kind with it.
Try this for one week
Choose three things from the routine above. Just three. For example: dim the lights, write your worries down, and a few minutes of slow breathing in bed.
For seven evenings, do those three things in the same order, at about the same time.
Each morning, write one word in a notebook for how you slept, and one for how you felt when you woke. At the end of the week, read your words. You may notice your body starting to recognise the slope, and getting sleepy a little sooner each night. If you’d like to understand more about what happens while you sleep, I wrote Let’s talk about sleep.
Frequently asked questions
How long should an evening routine be?
About an hour of calmer time before bed is lovely, but even a few minutes of the same small steps each night will help. What matters most is doing them regularly, in the same order.
What’s a good drink before bed?
A herbal tea such as lime blossom, verbena or chamomile, or a glass of warm milk. Try to keep caffeine to the morning, and go gently with alcohol in the evening.
What if I still can’t fall asleep?
Get up, go somewhere dim and quiet, do something calm, and return to bed when you feel sleepy. A routine takes a little time to work, so be patient with yourself.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If you’ve slept badly for several weeks, if you snore loudly or wake gasping, if you feel exhausted during the day, or if worry or low mood keep you awake, please see your doctor. And talk to your doctor or pharmacist before trying any sleep remedy or supplement, as some interact with medicines.
Would you like some help?
Evenings, sleep and stress are among the subjects I love working on most, because they bring together everything I teach: food, breath, yoga and autogenic training. I run group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac, where we practise these things together. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
If you’d rather work one to one, I coach online, wherever you live. Book a free 20-minute call and tell me what your evenings look like. We’ll build a slope into the night that suits you.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
