Photo by Briana Tozour on Unsplash
In short: Friends are good for your mood, your health and your growth. They support you, tell you the truth kindly, show you another way of looking at things and get you moving. Being connected online isn’t the same as being together, so the kindest thing you can do for yourself this week may be to pick up the phone and arrange to see someone you love.
You’re on the sofa in the evening, phone in hand. You’ve seen a friend’s holiday photos, liked another friend’s new kitchen and sent a birthday heart to a third. You know what everybody is doing. And yet, when did you last hear one of those voices, or sit across a table from one of those faces?
Life is busy, and we’re more connected than ever. At the swipe of a thumb you can look at a picture of your best friend’s wedding dress. But is that really being social? Technology lets us see everything, and we meet each other directly far less than before. We may miss it more than we realise.
How do friends change your life?
Having friends is an essential part of life. Friendships that mean something to you are good for your mental health, your creativity and your self-esteem. A friend can hold you up when things are hard, and a friend can also be the reason you try a new hobby you’d never have thought of by yourself.
Love, support and inspiration
Friends offer a kind of love and support that is all their own. They’re often the first to notice that something is wrong, and they check that you’re all right. Good friends also understand that a person changes with time, and they change along with you rather than holding you to who you used to be. Time with them gives a rhythm to your weeks, something to look forward to, and that makes life fuller.
Doors that open
Friends are there in times of need, and they also open doors. A piece of advice, an introduction, the name of someone who can help: a great deal in our working lives happens through people who know and trust us. Friends who live or work in a world different from yours show you cultures and ways of thinking you wouldn’t have met otherwise, and your own view becomes wider for it.
Why do we need friends who tell us the truth?
A good friend encourages you through your successes and your failures, and also dares you to become who you could be. That takes honesty. Friends who know you well are the best at this, because they have your interests at heart. They can be the outside observer when you’re too close to a situation to see the whole picture. And when you’re about to make a choice that looks doubtful, they’re the ones who’ll say, gently, “Are you sure?”
Honesty needs balance, though. Criticism without warmth is discouraging and only adds stress and confusion. The friendships that help us grow are those where both people listen, speak openly and give at least as much encouragement as critique. It’s worth asking yourself whether you offer that to your friends, too.
An honest conversation with a friend often shows you your own situation from a different angle. You see what’s working and what isn’t, and a better solution appears that you couldn’t find alone at your kitchen table.
Understanding that leads to change
Friendship thrives on mutual understanding. With patience and open talk, you each learn to see the other’s point of view. You communicate with more empathy, you give each other room to learn, and both of you find it easier to make the changes you want in your lives.
And sometimes you just need someone to be there. Not to do or say anything in particular, only to be present and listen with compassion. If you’d like to become better at that yourself, I wrote about it in why small acts of kindness make such a difference.
I made a short video about this, you can watch it below.
Is seeing friends really good for your health?
Yes, for body and mind.
You move more. When you spend time with friends you nearly always end up doing something: going for a walk, hiking, seeing a show, dancing, wandering round the shops. More people in your life means more reasons to leave the house and enjoy what’s around you. Friends can encourage you to make healthier choices, and also to let your hair down when the moment is right. And when you’re out, you may meet new people as well.
Your mind feels safer. In the animal kingdom, isolation is almost always bad news for a living being, and we’re no different. Long stretches alone weigh on the mind and on the body. A few positive people around you lift you and remind you to look after yourself. Relationships are part of what I call primary food, everything that nourishes us that isn’t on the plate, and I explain it in primary food: having happy relationships.
Your joys are doubled. Friends aren’t only for hard times. When things go well, you have someone to share those happy moments with, and they become bigger for being shared.
What helps? Simple ways to spend more time with friends
Call instead of typing. If you’re feeling sad, ill or lonely, pick up the phone. Ten minutes of a familiar voice does more than an evening of messages.
Make it regular. The same evening each week for a call, the first Saturday of the month for a coffee. What’s in the diary happens. It can be one of your non-negotiables.
Walk together. You move, you talk, and nobody has to tidy the house.
Share an ordinary meal. A pot of soup and bread is enough. It’s the table that counts.
Put the phone away when you’re together. I describe gentle ways to do this in the digital detox.
Say thank you. Tell a friend what they mean to you. You’ll find ideas in the benefits of expressing appreciation.
You don’t need a crowd. Two or three people with whom you can be completely yourself are a treasure.
Frequently asked questions
Why are friends so important for your wellbeing?
Friends give you love, support and an honest outside view. They notice when something is wrong, they get you out of the house and moving, and they share your good moments as well as the hard ones. All of that steadies your mood and your confidence.
Does keeping in touch online count?
Messages and photos are a lovely way to stay in contact, but they do not replace hearing a voice or sitting at the same table. Use the screen to arrange the call or the walk, and let the real meeting do the rest.
How do I make time for friends when life is busy?
Make it small and regular. A phone call on the same evening each week, a walk instead of a long dinner, an invitation to share the soup you were cooking anyway. Put it in your diary as you would any other appointment.
How can I be a better friend?
Listen more than you advise, and be present without trying to fix everything. When you are asked for your opinion, be honest and kind in the same breath. And celebrate your friend when things go well for them.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If you have felt lonely, low or withdrawn for several weeks, if you have lost interest in seeing people you care about, or if your sleep and appetite are affected, talk to your doctor. Friends are a great support, and sometimes you need professional help as well.
Would you like some help?
Changing how you eat and live is so much easier in good company, and that’s why I love my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we’ll talk about what would nourish you most right now, on your plate and around your table.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
