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In short: Self-kindness is a habit, built in small moments on ordinary days. Six things help most: pausing to notice what you feel, having a kind phrase ready, looking after your body, noticing what is good, choosing warm company and forgiving yourself for old mistakes. You don’t need all six at once. Start with the one that feels easiest and let the others follow.
“The moment you accept yourself, you become beautiful.” Osho
You drop a glass in the kitchen. It shatters on the tiles, and before you’ve even reached for the dustpan, the voice starts: “How clumsy. You never pay attention.” Now imagine a friend had dropped that glass. You’d say: “Don’t worry, it’s only a glass. Mind your feet.” Same kitchen, same glass, two completely different voices.
Have you ever wondered how you could bring more of that second voice into your own day? Many of us ask that question, especially when we feel overwhelmed, stressed or emotionally drained. Self-kindness can be learned, and it is learned through practice, not through thinking about it. Here are six practical ways to practise.
What does self-kindness look like in daily life?
It looks quite ordinary. It’s the way you speak to yourself when the alarm goes off, when you look in the mirror, when you’ve forgotten an appointment. It’s whether you eat lunch or skip it, whether you go to bed or push through another hour. Your inner worth isn’t something you have to earn with a perfect day. It is already there, and self-kindness is simply behaving as if you believed it.
If the critical voice is very loud for you, you might like to read how to quieten negative self-talk alongside this article. Here, I’ll stay with the daily practices.
Six everyday ways to be kinder to yourself
1. Pause and notice, without judging
Mindfulness is becoming aware of your thoughts, your feelings and the sensations in your body, right now, without judging them. When you notice “I’m tense” or “I’m disappointed” and leave it at that, you stop adding a second layer of criticism on top of the first feeling. Over time this brings more self-awareness, more acceptance and a gentler attitude towards yourself.
You don’t need a cushion or a long session. Sit on the edge of your bed in the morning, feel your feet on the floor and follow five slow breaths. If you’d like more guidance, I’ve described five simple breathing practices, step by step.
2. Keep a kind phrase ready
A short phrase you can say to yourself when things are hard works like a hand on your shoulder. Some examples: “I am worthy of love and kindness.” “I am doing my best.” “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
Choose one that feels true to you, in words you’d really use. Then repeat it often, so that it’s there when you need it: while the kettle boils, in the car, when you catch your own eye in the mirror. The harsh voice has had years of practice. The kind one needs some too.
3. Look after yourself, regularly
Taking care of your body, your emotions and your mind is kindness you can see. Moving, eating well, sleeping enough and spending time on things you enjoy all send yourself the same message: you deserve love and attention.
Keep it concrete. A proper lunch, sitting down. A walk after work. A bedtime you respect. If you’d like ideas, have a look at mindful self-care, or at how to plan a Sunday self-care routine that sets you up for the week.
4. Notice what is good
Gratitude shifts your attention. When your mind is busy listing what you did wrong, it helps to ask it a different question: what went well today? What am I glad to have? Asked regularly, that question softens the way you look at your life, and at yourself.
Try a gratitude notebook by your bed, with three lines each evening. Include at least one thing about yourself: something you handled well, a kind word you gave, a moment when you kept going. I’ve written more about how gratitude can change your outlook.
5. Choose warm company
The people around you have a real influence on how you treat yourself. Spend time with those who lift you, support you and encourage you, the friends and loved ones who truly care about your wellbeing. After an afternoon with them, you feel more like yourself. That’s the sign to look for.
6. Forgive yourself for past mistakes
This is often the hardest one, and one of the most important. Going over an old mistake again and again doesn’t repair it. It only keeps you there. Ask what it taught you, keep the lesson, and let the rest go. Nobody is perfect, and making mistakes is a natural part of being human. If you find this difficult, my article There are no mistakes, only opportunities may help you look at an old story with new eyes.
Where should you start?
With one thing, the one that made you think “I could do that”. Do it every day this week, at the same moment each day so you don’t have to remember. Five breaths before you get up. Your phrase while you brush your teeth. Three lines before you turn off the light.
Next week, add a second one if you feel like it. And on the day you forget completely, practise right there: “Never mind. I’ll pick it up again tomorrow.” That sentence is self-kindness too.
Being kinder to yourself is something you keep practising all your life. Be patient with yourself. It’s never too late to start putting your own care and your emotional wellbeing on the list.
Frequently asked questions
Is being kind to yourself the same as letting yourself off the hook?
No. Kindness doesn’t pretend the mistake didn’t happen. It simply changes the tone in which you look at it, and a calm tone makes it much easier to see what to do differently next time.
I feel silly repeating a kind phrase to myself. Does it have to be a mantra?
Not at all. Choose words you would really say to a friend, in your own language and your own style. If a phrase makes you cringe, it is the wrong phrase, so keep trying until one feels true.
How much time does this take each day?
Very little. A few slow breaths, one kind sentence, three lines in a notebook before bed. Ten minutes spread over the day is plenty, as long as you come back to it most days.
What if the people around me are not very kind?
You can’t always choose who is around you, but you can choose where you spend your free time. Give a little more of it to the people who leave you feeling lighter, and a little less to those who leave you feeling small.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If the harsh voice in your head never stops, if you feel low or worthless most days, or if your sleep, appetite or energy have changed for more than a couple of weeks, please talk to your doctor. Self-kindness is a lovely daily practice, and it works alongside proper care, never in place of it.
Would you like some help?
The way you treat yourself shapes the way you eat, rest and move, which is why it’s one of the things we work on in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and we’ll look together at which of these six habits would do you the most good right now.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
