Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash
In short: Most of us know what we’d like to change: eat better, move more, sleep properly, ease the stress we’ve been carrying. And yet we keep slipping back into the same patterns. The missing piece is rarely more willpower or another ambitious goal. What helps is understanding why we haven’t changed yet, finding a reason that truly matters to us, starting very small and hanging each new habit on something we already do.
“I want to change, but…” Most of us know that feeling well. You’ve promised yourself a proper breakfast, an evening walk, an earlier night. Monday starts beautifully. By Thursday, life has got in the way, and you’re back where you began, a little more disappointed in yourself than before.
Walk into any bookshop and the shelves are full of books urging you to act. What they tend to skip is the harder, more useful question: why didn’t we act in the first place? Until we understand that, we keep falling back into the same loop. Lasting change starts with self-awareness. Self-criticism only keeps us stuck.
Why aren’t willpower and goals enough?
Goals have their place: they keep a project on track. But for personal change, a goal can quietly work against you. Goals often begin with a judgement about what we’re not: “I never stick to anything”, “I’m not disciplined enough”. Starting from that place sets us up for frustration, and we tend to abandon ship the moment we fall short.
Change driven by guilt or pressure rarely lasts. The changes that stick are usually the ones we genuinely understand and want, rather than the ones we’re flogging ourselves towards. That’s why kindness towards yourself matters so much here, and I wrote about it in Why self-compassion is key to a fulfilling life.
Why does awareness make change easier?
Think about a hot stove. You don’t need willpower or a goal to avoid touching it. The cause and effect is so clear that there’s no decision to make. Lasting health changes work the same way. When you truly understand how something affects you, how a late night shows up as tomorrow’s energy crash, how a rushed or skipped breakfast leaves you ravenous by mid-afternoon, the change stops feeling like a battle. It becomes the obvious choice. If that afternoon crash sounds familiar, I explained it in the afternoon energy dip in autumn.
This is where self-awareness beats self-discipline. Notice the conflict honestly, without judging yourself for it: you’ve read that too much sugar isn’t doing you many favours, and you genuinely enjoy something sweet in the afternoon. Both are true. Naming that tension kindly is the first real step, and far more useful than another round of “I should”.
In yoga and in autogenic training, this is something we practise all the time: noticing what’s happening in the body, calmly, without wanting to fix it straight away. When I work with someone, that’s always where I start. Before we change anything, we look. What happens on a Tuesday evening? When does the tiredness arrive? What were you really hungry for? (On a dark autumn evening, it’s often comfort, as I explain in Comfort eating in autumn.) The answers are different for everyone, which is what bio-individuality means in practice.
How do I find my “why”?
When you’re tempted to give up, a clear why is what carries you through. So before the how, get honest about the why: what do you actually want from this change, underneath it all? More energy to keep up with your day? To feel at home in your body again? To stop the afternoon slump running the show?
The most durable motivations are tied to your values: the things that genuinely matter to you, rather than anyone else’s expectations. When your “why” rests on your own values, the new actions tend to follow far more naturally, because you’re no longer forcing them.
A little exercise I love: take a piece of paper and write “I want to… because…”. Then ask yourself “and why does that matter to me?” two or three times. The answer at the bottom of the page is usually the real one.
How small should I start?
Smaller than you think. You don’t need the perfect plan to begin. Endless thinking, reading and planning is often just a sophisticated way of delaying. One small, doable change, such as a glass of water before your coffee, a short walk after lunch or lights out a little earlier, builds its own momentum. Small actions have a pull of their own, and one tends to lead to the next.
Why does hanging a new habit on an old one work?
This is one of my favourite tricks, and it’s so simple. Your day is already full of things you do without thinking: you put the kettle on, you brush your teeth, you pour your morning coffee, you lock the door at night. Those habits are deeply grooved. Your body does them on autopilot, without asking your willpower for anything.
So instead of finding a new moment for a new habit, hang it on one of these. “When I put the kettle on, I do a few squats while it boils.” “After I brush my teeth in the evening, I take three slow breaths at the open window.” “When I pour my coffee, I drink a glass of water first.”
Why does it work? Because the old habit becomes the reminder. You no longer have to remember, decide or find the motivation: the kettle does it for you. And each time you repeat the pair, the link gets a little stronger, until the new habit is as automatic as the old one. The trick is to choose an anchor you really do every day, at the time and place where the new habit makes sense, and to keep the new habit tiny at first.
If you’d like to build a whole gentle start to your day this way, have a look at Rise and shine: the power of a morning routine. And there are many more answers in my FAQs on developing healthy habits.
Try this for one week
Choose one small change that matters to you. Write down your why in one sentence. Then pick an anchor, something you already do every single day, and hang your new habit on it. Each evening, put a little tick in your diary if you did it. If you missed a day, simply start again the next morning, without any drama. At the end of the week, notice how it feels.
Frequently asked questions
Why is it so hard to change my habits?
Because most of us try to push through on willpower or guilt without first understanding why we haven’t changed. Lasting change comes from clear awareness of how a habit actually affects you, paired with a reason that genuinely matters to you.
Do I need to set big goals to change?
Not necessarily. Goals can help structure a plan, but they can also tip you into all-or-nothing thinking. A clear “why” plus one small, repeatable action, hung on something you already do, is often more powerful than an ambitious goal.
How do I start when I feel stuck?
Begin with awareness and leave the pressure aside. Notice your patterns honestly and without judgement, get clear on your reason for wanting something different, then choose one small change you can actually do this week.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If you feel too exhausted or low to change anything for weeks on end, if food or a habit feels out of your control, or if you’d like to start a new kind of exercise and have a health condition, please talk to your doctor first. Sometimes what’s holding us back needs proper medical support, and you deserve it.
Would you like some help?
Change is so much easier when you’re not doing it on your own. In a group, you see other people slip and start again, and suddenly your own Thursday doesn’t feel like failure any more. I run group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac, and I explain why they work so well in Why group coaching works. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work on your own change one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, tell me what you’d love to change, and we’ll find a first step that fits your life.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
