Photo by Gaetano Cessati on Unsplash
In short: A fulfilling life rests on three values: joy, commitment and integrity. Joy comes from living in a way that is true to who you are. Commitment gives that joy a direction, and integrity keeps your actions in line with what you believe. You grow all three through small daily choices, and they are far easier to keep when you have like-minded people around you.
It’s Sunday evening. The week ahead is planned, the bag is packed, and on paper everything is fine: the job, the home, the people around you. And still there’s a quiet question at the back of your mind: “Is this really it?” You’re not unhappy, exactly. But something doesn’t quite fit, and you can’t put your finger on it.
Have you ever wondered what it takes to live a truly fulfilling life? Which qualities and values you need in order to feel content, deep down? Three values are essential: joy, commitment and integrity. Each one is powerful in its own way. Together they form the foundation of a rich, meaningful and satisfying life.
Why does joy come first?
Joy is the first of these values, and the most important. Joy is the feeling of happiness and contentment that comes from within, and it’s the result of living in line with your true self. When your life is authentic and true to who you are, you feel a deep sense of joy that can’t be found anywhere else.
That’s why joy is such a good compass. If it has been missing for a while, it’s worth asking where your days have drifted away from what matters to you. I describe how joy differs from a passing good mood in joy and happiness: two sides of the same coin?
What does commitment add?
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Peter F. Drucker
Commitment is the second value, and it’s closely related to joy. Commitment is the act of dedicating yourself to something that is meaningful and important to you. When you’re committed to a goal or a cause, you feel a sense of purpose and direction, and that brings you closer to your true self.
Without commitment, joy stays a nice moment now and then. With it, the things you care about get a regular place in your week: the hour you keep free for them, the appointment you don’t cancel, the project you return to when it’s hard going.
And what is integrity?
Finally, there is integrity. Integrity is the quality of being honest, trustworthy and true to your values. When you live with integrity, you build strong relationships with others, because people know where they stand with you. And you feel a quiet pride and self-respect, because you know it too.
Integrity is mostly made of small things. You do what you said you would do. You say so when you got it wrong. You don’t agree to something out loud while everything in you says no.
What do these values look like in real life?
To show you the power of these three values, let me share two stories of people who have lived them.
One of the most inspiring stories I have come across is that of Maya. Maya was a successful lawyer who had built a career in a prestigious law firm. Despite her success, she felt unfulfilled and unhappy. She realised that she had been following a path that had little to do with her true passions and values. After some soul-searching, Maya decided to leave her job and to work in social care, where she could use her skills to make a positive difference in people’s lives. The change was difficult, but Maya felt a deep sense of joy and purpose in her new work. Her commitment to making a difference, and to living with integrity, allowed her to create a life that fulfilled her.
Another example is that of Lucas. Lucas was passionate about the environment and deeply committed to sustainability. He started a little business selling environmentally friendly products, and he struggled to make a profit. Despite the difficulties, Lucas stayed committed to his vision and worked tirelessly to improve his business. He refused to compromise his values and always acted with integrity, even when it was hard. In time his business became a success: good for the environment, and a fulfilling way for him to earn his living.
Your own version doesn’t have to be as dramatic as a change of career. The same three values are at work when you keep an evening free for what you love, or finish what you promised a friend.
How can you cultivate joy, commitment and integrity?
1. Make room for joy
Do more of what brings you happiness and fulfilment. Spend time with the people you love, pick up the hobby you enjoy, and choose activities that fit your passions and values. If you’d like a simple structure to start from, have a look at the three pillars of joy and fulfilment: health, abundance and love.
2. Build your commitment
Set a goal and work towards it steadily. Find a cause or a mission that is important to you, and dedicate yourself to making a positive difference there. Keep the first step small: half an hour on a Saturday morning is a commitment you can actually keep. A clear vision of where you want to go makes it much easier to keep going.
3. Live with integrity
Be honest, be trustworthy, and stay true to your values and beliefs, also when it’s difficult. A useful question at the end of the day: “Did what I did today match what I say matters to me?” You don’t need to judge the answer. Just notice it, and adjust tomorrow.
How do you stay committed when life gets in the way?
Cultivating these three values can be challenging. Life is full of setbacks, and staying true to your values in a hard period is not easy. Two things help.
The first is to surround yourself with like-minded people who share your passions and values. Joining a community or a group of people dedicated to the same cause keeps you motivated and inspired, and it gives you support when things go wrong. Good friends do the same.
The second is to practise mindfulness and self-reflection. A few quiet minutes with a notebook, or a walk without your phone, help you focus on what truly matters and make decisions that fit your values and goals. By reflecting on your values, your passions and your goals, you come to understand yourself, and your place in the world, a little better. On the days when it all goes wrong, self-compassion will carry you further than criticism, and gratitude helps you see what is already going well.
Try this today
Write down three moments from the past month when you felt most like yourself. What do they have in common?
Choose one thing that matters to you and give it a fixed place in your diary this week.
Think of one promise you’ve made, to someone else or to yourself, and keep it.
Tell one person what you’re working towards. Saying it out loud makes it real.
Cultivating joy, commitment and integrity is the work of a lifetime. It asks for dedication, patience and perseverance. But when you make these values a priority, you create a life that is true to your passions and your values, and you have a positive effect on the people around you as well.
Frequently asked questions
What does it mean to live with integrity?
It means that what you say, what you do and what you believe match. You’re honest, people can rely on you, and you keep to your values when it’s inconvenient too. In daily life it shows in small things: keeping a promise, admitting a mistake, saying a kind no where a resentful yes would be easier.
How do I find out what my values are?
Look at the moments when you felt most like yourself, and at the moments that left you uneasy or resentful. The first show you what matters to you, the second show you where a value was crossed. Write down what you notice over a week or two, and a short list will appear.
What if my work doesn’t match my values?
You don’t have to change everything at once. Start by bringing more of what matters to you into the life you have: in how you treat people, in what you do after work, in one project you care about. Bigger decisions are easier to make once you’re clear about what you want to move towards.
How do I stay committed when I lose motivation?
Make the commitment small enough to keep on a bad day, and don’t rely on willpower alone. Spend time with people who care about the same things, and look back regularly at why you started. Missing a day is normal. What counts is picking it up again the next day.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If a lack of joy has turned into something heavier, a low mood that lasts more than a couple of weeks, no interest in things you used to like, poor sleep or constant exhaustion, please talk to your doctor. That deserves proper attention, and it isn’t something to solve with more discipline.
Would you like some help?
Keeping a commitment to yourself, and doing it alongside people who want the same, is at the heart of my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to know when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, and tell me about the one thing you’d love to commit to. We’ll look at what a first small step could be.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
