Photo by Hernan Sanchez on Unsplash
In short: When your life is so full that you feel you can hardly breathe, adding better organisation rarely helps. What helps is to quit something. Keep a “let go list” of the tasks, projects and people that drain you, review it at the end of the week, imagine your life without each one, and notice whether you feel lighter or heavier. Lighter means yes. Then let go openly and kindly, by talking about it.
It’s Sunday evening and you’re looking at the week ahead. Monday, the committee meeting you promised to attend. Tuesday, the favour for a colleague. Wednesday, the class you signed up for in a burst of enthusiasm and now drag yourself to. Thursday, dinner with people you don’t really enjoy seeing. Somewhere in there, you were also going to rest.
Do you sometimes feel that you have too much on your shoulders? That time is not the same for everyone, and that you are constantly running after it? Does your life seem so tightly packed that you have the constant feeling of not being able to breathe?
If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, you might need to quit. Or, in other words, to let things go.
Who filled your plate?
Your plate, or your life, may have been filled by others. It may also have been filled by you.
Time is the same for everyone, but the way you experience it is very personal. An hour spent on something you love goes by in a flash and leaves you full of energy. An hour spent on something you resent feels endless and leaves you empty. So the question is not only how much is in your diary. It’s what is in it, and how it got there.
Ask yourself honestly:
Do you usually say yes to everything and everyone?
Are you impulsive, jumping on the next course, the next idea, the next invitation?
Do you add projects and tasks simply because they interest you, without taking anything away?
And what about your relationships? Do you spend time with people you enjoy being with, or do you do it out of obligation?
If you recognise yourself, there is nothing wrong with you. Curious, generous people fill their lives very easily. It only means that something has to go before something else can come in. If saying no is the difficult part for you, have a look at how to protect your non-negotiables.
Why is it so hard to let go?
Sometimes the easiest thing to do, even if it doesn’t look easy at first sight, is to let go of what doesn’t serve you, or of what brings you more that is negative than positive. The same is true for relationships.
It’s hard because each thing, taken on its own, seems reasonable. It’s only one evening a month. She’s an old friend. You’ve already paid for the year. You don’t want to let anyone down. And so everything stays, and you are the one who pays for it, with your sleep, your patience and your health. A body that never gets a pause lets you know sooner or later, often through the quieter signs of stress.
How do you start letting go?
1. Keep a “let go list”
Keep a note on your phone, or a page in your journal or notebook, just for the things or people to let go of. Each time what you’re doing, or the person you’re with, makes you feel bad, sad, drained or stressed in any way, add the situation, task, project or person to your list.
Don’t judge and don’t decide anything yet. You’re only collecting. You leave the meeting with a knot in your stomach: on the list. You put the phone down after a call and feel exhausted: on the list. You open the cupboard and see the half-finished project that makes you feel guilty every time: on the list.
2. Review it at the end of the day or week
Sit down with your list and a cup of tea. For each item, write a few more details. How did it make you feel? Does it bring real, positive value to your life? If it doesn’t, reflect on it and seriously consider letting it go.
You’ll probably notice that some names and tasks come back again and again. That repetition tells you a great deal.
3. Imagine your life without it
If the decision feels hard, close your eyes and imagine your life without this thing or this person. Your Wednesday evening is free. That name no longer lights up on your phone. How do you feel? Is the energy you sense lighter or heavier? Do your shoulders drop, or does your chest tighten?
A lighter feeling is a yes to letting go. A heavier feeling tells you that this still matters to you. In that case it’s probably not the thing itself that needs to change, but the way you’re doing it.
I made a short video about this, you can watch it below.
How do you let go without hurting people?
Be it something or someone, the key to letting go is to communicate. Don’t just disappear. That wouldn’t feel right or good, for them or for you.
You don’t need a long explanation. A few honest, kind sentences are enough:
“I’ve loved being part of this group, and I’ve decided to stop at the end of the month. I’ll gladly hand over my notes.”
“I took on too much this year. I need to step back from this project so that I can do the others properly.”
“I care about you, and I don’t have the energy for long calls in the evening at the moment. Could we go for a walk once a month?”
With a relationship, letting go doesn’t always mean ending it. Sometimes it means seeing someone less often, or in a different way. It might not be easy in the moment, but it will feel better and better as time goes by. And the people who truly care about you will understand. There is more on this in having happy relationships.
What do you gain when you quit?
You lift a heavy weight off your shoulders and you regain time for what matters. An evening with nothing in it. A slow breakfast. Space for the friend who makes you laugh, for cooking a proper meal, for going to bed on time. Doing less also means doing what remains with more attention and more pleasure, which is what I describe in achieving more by doing less and in not wasting time on the small things.
Try this week
Open a note on your phone today and call it “Let go list”.
Add to it for seven days, without deciding anything.
Next Sunday, choose one small item, the easiest one, and let it go with a kind, clear message.
Notice what you do with the time that comes back to you.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know what to let go of?
Keep a let go list for a week or two. Each time a task, a project or a person leaves you drained, sad or stressed, write it down. At the end of the week, ask what each one adds to your life. Then imagine your life without it: if you feel lighter, that is your answer.
Is it selfish to let go of people or commitments?
No. Your time and energy are limited, and whatever you give to things that drain you is taken from the people and activities you love. Letting go honestly and kindly is fairer to everyone than staying out of obligation and resenting it.
How do I tell someone I am stepping back?
Say it simply and without a long list of excuses. Thank them, say clearly that you are stopping and from when, and offer a handover if there is one to make. For example: I have loved being part of this, and I have decided to stop at the end of the month.
What if I regret letting something go?
Most things can be picked up again later: a club, a hobby, a project. Start with the small, low-risk items on your list and see how it feels. For big decisions, give yourself time and talk it over with someone you trust.
When should I talk to my doctor?
If the feeling of having too much on your shoulders comes with poor sleep, constant tiredness, a tight chest, palpitations or low mood that does not lift, talk to your doctor. Letting go of commitments helps, but lasting symptoms deserve a proper check.
Would you like some help?
Making room in a full life, so that you have time to eat well, rest and look after yourself, is one of the things we work on in my group programmes in nutrition and health, such as Six Tuesdays in Montignac. If you’d like to hear when the next group opens, write to me at hello@catherinepolet.coach.
Would you rather work one to one? I also coach online. Book a free 20-minute call, bring your list if you’ve started one, and we’ll look at what you could put down first.
About Catherine
I’m Catherine Polet, a holistic nutrition health coach, yoga and autogenic training teacher for more than 30 years, author and speaker. I help people find a way of eating and living that suits their own body, online in English, French, Spanish and German, and in person in Southwest France.
